Jump to content

kschew1498

SRC Member
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    2,547

  • Joined

  • Last visited

 Content Type 

Posts posted by kschew1498

    Why I fired my Secretary!

    in General Reefkeeping_

    Posted

    Why I fired my Secretary

    Why I fired my Secretary.

    Last week was my birthday

    and I didn't feel very well

    waking up on that morning.

    I went downstairs for breakfast

    hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,

    'Happy Birthday!',

    and possibly have a small present for me.

    As it turned out,

    she barely said good morning,

    let alone

    ' Happy Birthday.'

    I thought...

    Well,

    that's marriage for you,

    but the kids....

    They will remember.

    My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast

    and didn't say a word.

    So when I left for the office,

    I felt pretty low

    and somewhat despondent.

    As I walked into my office,

    my secretary Jane said,

    'Good Morning Boss,

    and by the way

    Happy Birthday ! '

    It felt a little better

    that at least someone had remembered.

    I worked until one o'clock ,

    when Jane knocked on my door

    and said, 'You know,

    It's such a beautiful day outside,

    and it is your Birthday,

    what do you say we go out to lunch,

    just you and me.'

    I said, 'Thanks, Jane,

    that's the greatest thing

    I've heard all day.

    Let's go !'

    We went to lunch.

    But we didn't go

    where we normally would go.

    She chose instead a quite bistro

    with a private table.

    We had two martinis each

    and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

    On the way back to the office,

    Jane said, 'You know,

    It's such a beautiful day...

    We don't need to go straight back to the office,

    Do We ?'

    I responded,

    'I guess not.

    What do you have in mind ?'

    She said,

    'Let's drop by my apartment,

    it's just around the corner.'

    After arriving at her apartment,

    Jane turned to me and said,

    ' Boss, if you don't mind,

    I'm going to step into the bedroom

    for just a moment.

    I'll be right back.'

    'Ok.' I nervously replied.

    She went into the bedroom and,

    after a couple of minutes,

    she came out

    carrying a huge birthday cake ...

    Followed

    by my wife,

    my kids,

    and dozens of my friends

    and co-workers,

    all singing 'Happy Birthday'.

    And I just sat there...

    On the couch...

    ######.

    MEN???? :cry:

    Drive-through ATM

    in General Reefkeeping_

    Posted

    A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

    'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

    Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.'

    'After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed.

    Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.'

    MALE PROCEDURE:

    1. Drive up to the ATM machine.

    2. Wind down your car window.

    3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

    4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

    5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

    6. Wind window up.

    7. Drive off.

    **********************************************

    FEMALE PROCEDURE:

    1. Drive up to ATM machine.

    2. Reverse and back up to align car window with the machine.

    3. Set parking brake, wind the window down.

    4. Find handbag, remove all contents to passenger seat to locate card.

    5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.

    6. Attempt to insert card into ATM machine.

    7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its distance from the car.

    8. Insert card.

    9. Re-insert card the right way.

    10. Dig through handbag to find diary; with your PIN written on the inside back page.

    11. Enter PIN.

    12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

    13. Enter amount of cash required.

    14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

    15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

    16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

    17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.

    18. Re-check makeup.

    19. Drive forward 2 feet.

    20. Reverse back to ATM machine.

    21. Retrieve card.

    22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!

    23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.

    24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

    25. Redial person on cell phone.

    26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

    27. Release Parking Brake.

×
×
  • Create New...