XiaoBaiTu

One day, 2 police officers at a local police post saw a man approaching them. It was obvious the man was just recently involved in a traffic accident. His clothes are torn and bloody and his left arm ends at his elbow, a bloody stump. As the 2 police officers rushed to help the man, the man kept shouting about how the other driver ruined his expensive BMW. One of the officers comment to the other, "He is such a materialistic man, he lost his left arm and he is still complaining about his car." Startled, the man looked at his left arm and let out a gasp. The police officers then realised that the man was not aware of his missing left arm due to the shock. As police officers tried to calm the man down, the man started shouting, "Oh my god, not only did i lost my $200,000 BMW today, i also lost my $500,000 Rolex.

Hi bro,i would like to collect it,pls sms 90237709 Andy your address,xie xie

Hi all,some seller did not want you go to their house to view and said sure no problem,i also come aross B4 bad experience [Eat myself] at the end

Hi all,selling 2x1x1.5 6mm glass tank at $8 only , black oyama on back and L/R side,AREA=Serangoon North pls sms 90237709 Andy ,thanks

Hi all, the tank still running,able to clear this weekend,thanks

Hi all,selling 4ft 10mm Bullet shape curve tank at $30 only,10 "H wooden stand, PLS SMS 90237709 Andy to view,area=Serangoon North,thanks

Hi all , selling 37"x 18"x 36" 2 tier standard steel stand, area=Serangoon North Ave 3 , hp 90237709 Andy,thanks

Hi all, selling 48x18x23 bullet shape bare tank at $30 only , area= Serangoon North Ave 3 ,90237709 Andy , thanks

3 interested party coming to view but........ cabinet or tank problem? buyer back out!!

YOU TOO, 90237709 Andy,thanks

Hi all,selling 5 feet 6 PL light w/ E-Ballast with 3 switch at $100 ,area=Serangoon North,thanks,pls PM Andy

Late for Work -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss," he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's all fine" said the boss. "But where were you yesterday?"

Bro Adrian sms me cant arrange to come my place to collect the set... Hi all,back on sale again, 2 sets Jebao AC 12v pond light ,$5 EACH, FOC 3x Tropical Fish (Eng),3xAqua Zoo (Chinese) magazine, area=Serangoon North,pls dont ask to meet places is convenience to you,THANKS ANDY

Busy everyday

Hi bro,same as jewellery shop halogen light but water proof,lunar New Year coming if you take 2 set,offer $10 plus magazine,he he

Hi all,selling 2 sets Jebao AC 12v pond light ,$6 EACH, FOC 3x Tropical Fish (eng),3xAqua Zoo (chinese) magazine, area=Serangoon North,pls PM NOW or reply tonight,:)THANKS ANDY

Christmas Gloves -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A young man called Chris from London wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend. They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived in Scotland. Chris consulted with his sister and decided, after careful consideration, that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the right note ... not too romantic and not too personal. Off he went with his sister to Harrods and they selected a dainty pair of fur lined quality leather gloves. His sister bought a pair of sexy knickers for herself at the same time. Harrods had a free gift wrap offer but the assistant mixed up the two items ... the sister got the gloves and Chris unknowingly got the knickers. Good old Chris sent off his gift wrapped present in a parcel with the following letter. Dear Maggie, I chose these because I've noticed that you are not wearing any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones (which are easier to remove). These are a very delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and I hardly noticed any marks. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even though they were a little bit tight on her. She also said that they rub against her ring which helps keep it clean. In fact she hasn't needed to wash it since she began wearing them. I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because they will be naturally a little damp from wearing. Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on our next date. All my love, Chris P.S. My mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded down with a little bit of fur showing.

Hi bro, isnt only one door at right side ,

A Singapore English radio station, was holding a live radio segment at a shopping mall. The DJ was hosting a game show where prizes were given away to kids on stage if they could name the opposite gender of animals. The first kid to come on stage was a girl. "What's your name girl & how old are you?" "My name is Cheryl & I am 8 years old." "OK, tell me Cheryl, what is the opposite of cow?" "Bull." "Very good! That's correct. Now here's a Barbie doll for you. Ladies & gentlemen, please give her a round of applause." The game then continued for the next 15 minutes in a similar fashion with the kids getting all the simple questions correct until it was time for the 10th kid to come on stage. The audience were very impressed with this kid as he was very clever & articulate from the moment he stepped on stage, before being asked, announced, "My name is Johnny. I am 7 years old and I like English, Math & Art. My hobbies are collecting stamps & stickers." The audience liked him immediately because of his confidence & had started to clap for him. His parents, standing right in front of the stage, were beaming with pride at how smart their son was. "OK, Johnny, you should know the answer to this question very well. Close 2 eyes also can answer. Tell me, what is the opposite of c.o.c.k?" The young boy paused for a moment, scratched his head, moved closer to the microphone & finally answered proudly, "Chee Bai!"

This is Heaven This 85-year-old couple, having been married almost 60 years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last 10 years, mainly due to her interest in health food and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, master bath suite and Jacuzzi. As they oohed and aahed, the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," Peter replied. "This is Heaven." Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course in the backyard. They would have golfing privileges every day, and each week the course would change to a new one, representing the great golf courses on Earth. The old man asked, "What are the greens fees?" Peter's reply, "This is Heaven -- you play for free." Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man. "Don't you understand yet? This is Heaven, it's FREE!" Peter replied with some exasperation. "Well, where are the low-fat and low-cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly. Peter lectured, "That's the best part -- you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven." With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and shrieking wildly. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault. If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here 10 years ago!"

Having lost weight over the past few years, a lady was discarding things from her wardrobe that no longer fit. Her seven-year-old niece was watching as she held up a huge pair of slacks. "Wow," the lady said, "I must have worn these when I was 183." Her niece looked puzzled, then asked, "How old are you now?"

Leaving money for the dead -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Brooklyn lawyer, a used car salesman and a banker were gathered by a coffin containing the body of an old friend. In his grief, one of the three said, "In my family, we have a custom of giving the dead some money, so they'll have something to spend over there." They all agreed that this was appropriate. The banker dropped a hundred dollar bill into the casket, and the car salesman did the same. The lawyer took out the bills and wrote a check for $300.

An awful breakfast One morning in a posh hotel breakfast room, a guest called over the head waiter. "Good morning, sir! I'd like to order two boiled eggs, one of them so undercooked that it's runny, and the other so overcooked that it's tough. I also want some rubbery bacon, burnt toast, and butter that's so cold it's impossible to spread. Finally, I'll have a pot of extra-weak coffee, served at room temperature." The bewildered waiter almost stuttered. "Sir! We cannot serve such an awful breakfast to you here!" "Why not?" the guest replied. "That's what I got here yesterday!"

Cup of Tea.. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me. I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favourite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up. Then she says, (as only a mother would know..) "Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"

A Deep Rooted Delusion -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Perhaps you've heard of the man who thought he was dead? In reality he was very much alive. His delusion became such a problem that his family finally paid for him to see a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist spent many laborious sessions trying to convince the man he was still alive. Nothing seemed to work. Finally the doctor tried one last approach. He took out his medical books and proceeded to show the patient that dead men don't bleed. After hours of tedious study, the patient seemed convinced that dead men don't bleed. "Do you now agree that dead men don't bleed?" the doctor asked. "Yes, I do," the patient replied. "Very well, then," the doctor said. He took out a pin and pricked the patient's finger. Out came a trickle of blood. The doctor asked, "What does that tell you?" "Oh my goodness!" the patient exclaimed as he stared incredulously at his finger ... "Dead men do bleed!!"