Just a Joke

[KTLK]

rabbit ?

once upon a time , a bear and a rabbit were shitting together . while they are shitting , the bear ask the rabbit whether he has this problem of shit stuck to his fur .

the rabbit reply : of course no.

after shitting , the bear took the rabbit and wipe his ######.

just a joke from my secondary sch

this is a gd one....

[d88p]

DON' T LOOK AT ###### LADY

Boy 1: Why do you run from a ###### lady?

Boy 2: Becos my mum said that if I look at

at a ###### lady, I ' ll turn into stone.

A part of me is getting hard already.

HOW INDIA GOT ITS NAME

This is how India got its name.....

The king was having ###### with his mistress

while thinking a name of his country and

his mistress ask him "is it In Dear?".

RESEARCH FINDING

Research shows men are fatter than women

because every-night men get fresh milk & 2 big papayas

while women only get 1 banana, 2 peanuts & 1 tea-spoon of starch

THAT OLD QUESTION BUT IT-ANSWER

CHILD: Dad, where did I come from?

DAD: Okay, we had to have this conversation some day!..

Listen... Dad and mom met in a chat room on the net. I set up

a meeting with your mom and we landed in the bathroom at the Cyber Cafe. Then, mom did some downloads from dads memory stick and when dad was ready to upload, we discovered that there was no firewall. Seeing that it was a bit too late to cancel, I just carried on doing the upload. Nine months later, the damn virus appeared!.

CHILD: Huh?

[Lester]

THAT OLD QUESTION BUT IT-ANSWER

CHILD: Dad, where did I come from?

DAD: Okay, we had to have this conversation some day!..

Listen... Dad and mom met in a chat room on the net. I set up

a meeting with your mom and we landed in the bathroom at the Cyber Cafe. Then, mom did some downloads from dads memory stick and when dad was ready to upload, we discovered that there was no firewall. Seeing that it was a bit too late to cancel, I just carried on doing the upload. Nine months later, the damn virus appeared!.

CHILD: Huh?

tat is funny

Cheers

[d88p]

ctrl alt del

[cowgivemilk]

ctrl alt del

hahaha.. del the babies away

[dumdum]

Story 1

Ah Lian asked shopkeeper, "Eh Ah chek, u got sell stocking up to knee,

boh?"

Ah Chek replied, "Lu siao ah! stocking wear up to 'yeo' (waist) only, where

got up to the 'nee'(breast) one?"

Story 2

Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to Ah Lian's place to show it

to her.

So there Ah Beng was bragging the various functions of his new car to his

girlfriend.

"This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!"

"Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!" said Ah Lian.

"Some more hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!"

So Ah Lian said, "Let me try! I wan, I wan!"

So Ah Lian took the driver's seat and shifted the gear and floored the

accelerator.

The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed into the lamp-post.

"Alamak! What u doing? U Siao Char Bo! U see lah! Wah Piang eh!" screamed

Ah Beng.

"Solee, solee, pai sah lah! No lah, I tot hor, "R" for racing mah!"

Story 3

The Titanic was sinking and there weren't enough lifeboats.

So the captain had to persuade male passengers to jump into the icy water

to make room for women and children.

To the British he said, "You must act like gentlemen." They jumped.

To the Americans he said, "You can be heroes." They complied.

To the Germans he said, "It's the rule." They obeyed.

To the Japanese he said," It's the consensus." They obliged.

Then came the Singaporean and they just weren't budging until he came up

with the appeal: "Free life jackets for those who jumped."

Story 4

3 recruits - Chinese, Malay & Indian were at the army supply base to

collect underwear.

The sergeant was there to aid the supplies.

Sergeant: Hei Ah Beng! How many und! erwear you need ah?

Ah Beng: (thinks a while) 7 sasen(sergeant)!

Sergeant: (puzzled) How come so many?

Ah Beng: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun. One day one.

Sergeant: (Malay recruit) Eh Mat! How many underwear?

Mat: (without hesitation) 6 sargen!

Sergeant: (curious) How come six?

Mat: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Sat & Sun. Friday I wear sarong.

Sergeant: (Indian recruit) Dei Tambi. How many underwears dah dei?

Tambi: (very confidently) 12 Sarjen !!!!

Sergeant: (shocked & fell to the ground) Why you need so many for?

Tambi: January, February, March.....One month one.

Story 5

Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and wanted the

DJ to play the song "Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti"

(In Hokkien means Ah Cheng buys bread).

The DJ told them that they only have English songs and told them to re!

-select another song.

The Ah Bengs were very angry and kicked up a big fuss claiming the DJ was

insulting them.

The manager had to intervene in order to calm them down.

Finally after a long talk with Ah Bengs, the manager found out that they

were actually asking for the song "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous

Brothers.

Story 6

Santa Singh (remember him?) just graduated from Law school and decided to

apply for a job in the most prestigious "Lee & Lee Law Firm".

During the interview, Mr.Lee looked at Santa Singh's resume, thinks for

a whil! e and said, "Well, I would need to discuss your application with my

wife."

And went off to discuss Santa's application with his wife.

Lee's wife said, "C'mon, don't you know that we only hire lawyers with

surnames beginning with 'Lee' only? Of course, we can't hire Santa Singh!"

So Lee KY told the bad news to Sant! a Singh about his rejection.

Few days later, Santa Singh came back to the same company and requested for

another interview and Lee said, "Look Santa, I have already told you

that we only hire......."

When Santa Singh interrupted him and said, "I know, I know. I have just

changed my name."

Lee looked at Santa Singh in surprise and asked, "What is your new name

then?"

On this, Santa Singh replied, "Surname Lee, last name, Manga!" (Manga-Li)

[AREA51]

[XiaoBaiTu]

Q: What is the similarity between men and rats?

A: Both keep searching for new holes.

Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?

A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5- days and if it doesn't come, it means you are in big trouble.

Q: What's the difference between biology and sociology?

A: When the baby looks like his dad or mom, then it is biology.

When the baby looks like the neighbor, then it is sociology.

Q: What's the height of recycling?

A: Sending a sanitary napkin for dry cleaning.

Q: Doctor: You look so weak & exhausted. Are you having 3 meals a day as I have advised?

A: Lady: Doctor, I thought you said 3 males a day.

Q: Girl friend & boy friend go for a movie. In the dark, a mosquito enters the girl's skirt. Guess where it would have bitten?!!!!!!!!!!!!

A: The boy friend's hand.

Q: Tarzan and the animals went to the river to take a bath. Tarzan removed his clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan asked "Why"?

A: The animals told him. Your tail is in front".

[AREA51]

thx for the jokes bro

i go find some and post too

[Lester]

good one

[Nic a Jon]

one for u bros out there....

A China pumpkin girl was visiting New York, went

>into a worldwide message center wanting to send an urgent important

>message to her mother in China.

>

>The Italian guy at the counter told her it would

>cost around US$100.

>She exclaimed, " I don't have

>that kind of money,but I will do anything to get a

>message to my mother in China !"

>

>The Italian smiled, arched an eyebrow and asked,

>"Anything?"

>Yes, I promise...anything ! " she said.

>

>With that, the Italian said, " Follow me." He led

>her to the next room and said, " Come in and close the door. "

>

>" Get down on your knees ! " he ordered. She did.

>" Unzip me !" he said.

>She did.

>Then he said, " Go on...take it out. "

>

>She did and grabbed it with both hands excitedly.

>The Italian closed his eyes and & whispered, " Go ahead girl, what

>are you waiting for ?"

>

>Ms China pumpkin girl slowly brought her lips

>closer and said loudly,

>"Hello....hello Ah Ma!!!..can you hear me?!

[Lester]

one for u bros out there....

A China pumpkin girl was visiting New York, went

>into a worldwide message center wanting to send an urgent important

>message to her mother in China.

>

>The Italian guy at the counter told her it would

>cost around US$100.

>She exclaimed, " I don't have

>that kind of money,but I will do anything to get a

>message to my mother in China !"

>

>The Italian smiled, arched an eyebrow and asked,

>"Anything?"

>Yes, I promise...anything ! " she said.

>

>With that, the Italian said, " Follow me." He led

>her to the next room and said, " Come in and close the door. "

>

>" Get down on your knees ! " he ordered. She did.

>" Unzip me !" he said.

>She did.

>Then he said, " Go on...take it out. "

>

>She did and grabbed it with both hands excitedly.

>The Italian closed his eyes and & whispered, " Go ahead girl, what

>are you waiting for ?"

>

>Ms China pumpkin girl slowly brought her lips

>closer and said loudly,

>"Hello....hello Ah Ma!!!..can you hear me?!

i almost fell of my chair whahahahaha

[d88p]

AH BENG IS " COPLER" NOW

Army Corporal

Two Hokkien peng, Ah Beng and Ah Seng, got promoted from private to corporal.

Not long after, they're out for a walk and Ah Beng says, " Eh, Seng ah, there's the NCO Club. Let's go inside and togo. "

" But we all is plivate only mah, " protests Ah Seng.

"No, we all is copler now, " says Ah Beng, pulling him inside.

Once inside the pub, Ah Beng says, " Okay, let's order some beer and togo!"

" But we all is plivate! " says Ah Seng.

" Piang eh, you cannot see, meh? " says Ah Beng, pointing to his stripes.

" We all is copler now! "

After leaving the NCO club, Ah Beng and Ah Seng go to Geylang.

There, Ah Beng whistles at a hooker, but the hooker says,

" Sorry, hor. Tonight cannot because I got gonorrhea. "

Ah Beng pulls Ah Seng to the side and say, " Eh, you go and check the dictionary and see what 'gonorrhea' means. If it's okay, give me the okay sign. "

Ah Seng goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Ah Beng a big thumbs-up.

Three weeks later, Ah Beng is in the hospital with a severe case of gonorrhea.

" Ni na beh, " he scolds Ah Seng. " Why you tell me it's okay? "

" Not my fault! " says Ah Seng. " In the dictionary, it says gonorrhea only affects the privates. "

Then he points to his stripes : " But we is COPLER now mah ! "

[XiaoBaiTu]

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there."

A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.

"Ah, yes, that's what I'll have - meatloaf and mashed potatoes."

Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife. He tells her what had just happened.

The blind man eats his meal and leaves.

Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly bring him a menu again.

"Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."

"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."

The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.

After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great. I'll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli."

Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him.

The blind man eats and leaves.

He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen.

He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man."

Mary complies and hands her husband the fork. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.

"Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you."

The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff, and says, "Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here..."

don bully blind man...........

[AREA51]

AH BENG IS " COPLER" NOW

Army Corporal

Two Hokkien peng, Ah Beng and Ah Seng, got promoted from private to corporal.

Not long after, they're out for a walk and Ah Beng says, " Eh, Seng ah, there's the NCO Club. Let's go inside and togo. "

" But we all is plivate only mah, " protests Ah Seng.

"No, we all is copler now, " says Ah Beng, pulling him inside.

Once inside the pub, Ah Beng says, " Okay, let's order some beer and togo!"

" But we all is plivate! " says Ah Seng.

" Piang eh, you cannot see, meh? " says Ah Beng, pointing to his stripes.

" We all is copler now! "

After leaving the NCO club, Ah Beng and Ah Seng go to Geylang.

There, Ah Beng whistles at a hooker, but the hooker says,

" Sorry, hor. Tonight cannot because I got gonorrhea. "

Ah Beng pulls Ah Seng to the side and say, " Eh, you go and check the dictionary and see what 'gonorrhea' means. If it's okay, give me the okay sign. "

Ah Seng goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Ah Beng a big thumbs-up.

Three weeks later, Ah Beng is in the hospital with a severe case of gonorrhea.

" Ni na beh, " he scolds Ah Seng. " Why you tell me it's okay? "

" Not my fault! " says Ah Seng. " In the dictionary, it says gonorrhea only affects the privates. "

Then he points to his stripes : " But we is COPLER now mah ! "

LOL!!!

[Kelmen]

i almost fell of my chair whahahahaha

HAHAHHA!!!

God damn me! Crazy shit!

HAHAHHAHAHA

I'm laughing and shaking!!!!!!

[XiaoBaiTu]

Bear, Lion & Chicken talk who's most feared.

Bear says - I roar the forest trembles.

Lion says - I roar the jungle shakes.

Chicken says - I cough and the world panics !!!

[bluebear]

How to turn men down.....

HIM: Can I buy you a drink?

HER: Actually I'd rather have the money.

HIM: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours

HER: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.

HIM: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?

HER: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice .

HIM: How did you get to be so beautiful?

HER: I must've been given your share.

HIM: Will you go out with me this Saturday?

HER: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.

HIM: Your face must turn a few heads.

HER: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

HIM: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out.

HER: Okay, get out.

HIM: I think I could make you very happy.

HER: Why? Are you leaving?

HIM: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?

HER: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

HIM: Can I have your name?

HER: Why? Don't you already have one?

HIM: Shall we go see a movie?

SHE: I've already seen it.

HIM: Where have you been all my life?

HER: Hiding from you.

HIM: Haven't I seen you some place before?

HER: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.

HIM: Is this seat empty?

HER: Yes and this one will be if you sit down.

HIM: So, what do you do for a living?

HER: I'm a female impersonator.

HIM: Hey baby what's your sign?

HER: Do not enter.

HIM: Your body is like a temple.

HER: Sorry, there are no services today .

HIM: If I could see you ######, I'd die happy.

HER: If I saw you ######, I'd probably die laughing.

HIM: Where have you been all my life?

HER: Where I'll be the rest of your life - in your wildest dreams .

[XiaoBaiTu]

A teacher asks her class, ''If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'' She calls on little Johnny.

''None, they all fly away with the first gunshot.''

The teacher replies, ''The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'' Then Little Johnny says, ''I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and ###### the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?''

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, ''Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.''

''The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on...but I like your thinking.''

[AREA51]

wahahaha....dirty minded teacher

[Lester]

wahahaha....dirty minded teacher

good one

[doom]

The story of an Ostrich

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $9.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato,and salad," says the man.

"Same," says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."

Once again he man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer.

"Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago, I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's fantastic!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "But, sir, what's with the talking ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ###### and long legs who agrees with everything I say."

[XiaoBaiTu]

This is hilarious... even an Englishman could not construct sentences using numeric, which is exclusive only to Malaysians and Singaporeans (no offence

Ah Lek was asked to make a sentence using 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and 10.

Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again from 10 back to 1.

This is what he came up with...

1 day I go 2 climb up a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rush out and wanted to 5

with me. I run until I fall 6 and throw up. So I go into 7 eleven and grab some 8 to throw at him.

Then I took a 9 and try to stab him. 10 God he run away.

So, I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7 eleven. Next day, I call my boss and say I am 6. He said 5, tomorrow also no need to

come back 4 work. He also asks me to climb a 3 and jump down. I don't understand, I so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1.

[ah_d3x]

wow.... nice one... u spent alot of time on tat? haha

[d88p]

Q: Do fish ever have hoildays?

A: No, they're always in schools!