Ah Beng/ah Seng

[Razo]

1/4

Jokes starring Ah Beng, Ah Seng & Ah Lian......Hope u enjoy......

Ah Seng wants to make love with Ah Lian but he is afraid that Ah Lian

will get pregnant, so he approaches his friend Ah Beng for advice. Ah

Beng said "Aiya, very easy one lah. Nah, take this packet of condoms and

follow the instructions, nothing will happen one."

So Ah Seng takes the condom and at night makes love with Ah Lian.

Two months later, Ah Seng comes to look for Ah Beng and tells him that

Ah Lian is pregnant.

"Cannot be what, did you follow the instructions or not?" asks Ah Beng.

"Na -bei! Got lah. The box says "Stretch the condom over organ before

intercourse, I got no organ, so I stretch it over my piano loh."

=======================================================

Ah Beng and Ah Seng rent a boat and fish in a lake everyday. One day,

they caught 30 fishes. Ah Beng said to Ah Seng," Mark this spot so that

we can come back here again tomorrow."

The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, Ah Beng asked Ah

Seng," Did you mark that spot?" Ah Seng replied," Yeah, I put a big X on

the bottom of the boat,"

Ah Beng said," You stupid fool! What if we don't get that same boat

today !?!?"

=======================================================

Ah Beng serving his NS overseas and far from home, was annoyed and upset

when his girl Ah Lian wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for

her photograph back. He went out and collected from his friends all the

unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all

together and sent them to her with a note stating the following: "Regret

cannot remember which one is you............... please keep your photo

and return the others."

[Razo]

2/4

Once Ah Beng , Ah Seng and Ah Lian went for dinner at the Compass Rose

at the top of the Westin Stamford . After dinner, they went to the lift

scanned the buttons and couldn't find the button for the first floor. Ah

Beng suggested taking the stairs but Ah Lian decided to press the lift

button "G". They found themselves on the first ground and Ah Beng

remarked, "Wah, you so smart, ah. How did you know this was ground

floor?" Ah Lian replied," Aiyah so simple you also dunno! G: stands for

gero loh!"

=======================================================

One evening, Ah Beng and Ah Lian went to a lounge and requested the DJ

to play the song "Ah Cheng Buey Lo Ti" (Ah Cheng buys bread). The DJ

told them they only played English songs and asked them to request

another song. They were upset and complained to the manager that the DJ

was insulting them. After many hours of calming them down, the manager

found out they were actually requesting the Righteous Brothers song,

"Unchained Melody".

=======================================================

Ah Beng and Ah Seng went to a hawker centre. Ah Seng noticed the hygiene

grades issued by the Ministry of Health pasted at each stall and asked

Ah Beng, "Eh, the 'A', 'B', 'C' and 'D' stand for what ah?" Ah Beng

snorted and said, "Aiyah, this sort of thing you also dunno! 'D' stand

for 'delicious', 'C' stand for 'can eat', 'B' stand for 'buay sai'

(cannot) and 'A' stand for 'Alamak'!"

[Razo]

3/4

Long time ago, a rich Singapore tycoon wanted to know how happy a man

could be if he was given one wish. He paid three people to test out his

experiment. The rules were:

1. Each person could only have one wish.

2. They will be left on a deserted island for 30 years.

3. Food, but not liquor would be provided.

The first contestant, Billy Clinton (USA) asked for 30 prettiest PLAYBOY

centerfolds: "So I can make the most beautiful babies in the world."

The second contestant, Jon Major (UK) said, "I want 30 years' supply of

booze."

The last contestant, Ah Beng (Singapore) said, "I want 30 years' supply

of Saa-lim (Salem) cigarettes so I can smoke until I song-song."

30 years later, the three contestants came back for a press conference.

Billy had with him 200 children and 30 estranged women. He remarked, "It

has been a long sexual experience for me and was wondering whether

anyone care to buy a child. I will even throw in the mother for free!"

Jon, hanging on to a bottle of beer, was suffering from a hangover but

he managed to utter these words. "God save the Beer! The Queen can drink

seawater."

The last contestant, Ah Beng, hugging onto cartons of Salem shouted, "Ni

na beh! Buay kee gia lighter!!!" (@#$*! Forgot to bring lighter!)

=======================================================

Last night, an incident took place at Boat Quay. What happened was some

idiot was trying to show off and declared that he could swim across the

Singapore River. He jumped in and started swimming. But before he could

reach the halfway mark, he started to panic and started to shout for

help. Being typical Singaporeans, a crowd started to gather to watch and

yet no attempt was made by anybody to save that poor chap. Suddenly

there was a splash and the crowd turned to see a guy doing what seemed

like a desperate attempt to reach the drowning victim. It was clear that

this hero couldn't swim! Luckily a tongkang filled with tourists was

passing by and the operator saw the incident and picked both men from

the water.

The crowd cheered! Back on shore, the crowd cheered again as the hero

stepped off the tongkang. "Steady lah!" and "Awright, man!" were among

any congratulations shouted. Ah Beng looked angry and shouted "Ka ni na!

Siang too wa loh chui?" (*%#@! Who pushed me into the water?")

[Razo]

4/4

Ah Beng joined a quiz show and was asked to a name three fruits whose

names begin with "A". Ah Beng immediately said "Apple?Apricot?" then he

was stumped.

After a while, he finally shouted triumphantly, "Ang Mor Tan!"

=======================================================

Ah Beng ordered a pizza and the waitress asked if he should cut it in

six or twelve pieces. "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

=======================================================

"Oh, look at the dead bird."

Ah Beng looked skyward and said, "Where, where got?"

[bwilly]

ah..? joke what joke?? hehe..

[Clownfish]

[Razo]

ah..? joke what joke?? hehe..

ah beng aka mark aka bwilly... sorry if i offended u...

[bwilly]

no offence.. I just got a faded mickey tattoo on my willy.

[don]

refreshing