women jokes

[y_sweebeng]

Pretty lengthy collection.... but worth

> >  >   > > > >reading when you are bored.

> >  >   > > > >

> > >   > > >  >4 miracles of a woman:

> > >   > > >  >----------------------

> > >   > > > >

> >  >   > > > >1) getting wet without taking a  shower

> > >   > > > >2) bleeding without getting  hurt

> > >   > > > >3) giving milk without eating  grass

> > >   > > > >4) and making boneless flesh  hard

> > >   > > > >

> > >   >  > > >

> > >   > > > >A man bumps into a  woman and says "So

> > >   > > > >sorry ma'am. If  your heart is as soft

> > >   > > > >as your  breasts, you will forgive me".

> > >   > > > >The  lady replies: "If your dick is as

> > >   > > >  >hard as your elbow, I am in room 603.

> > >   > >  > >

> > >   > > > >

> > >    > > > >Q : How do the Talibans seduce their women?

> >  >   > > > >A : First they attack their twin towers,  then

> > >   > > > >they crash into  theirpentagon.

> > >   > > > >

> >  >   > > > >Girls reaction to penis sizes:

> >  >   > > > ># 9" - oh shit pain!

> >  >   > > > ># 7" - oh yes, yum!

> > >    > > > ># 6" - oh perfect!

> > >   > > >  ># 5" - mmm ok!

> > >   > > > ># 4" - push  more

> > >   > > > ># 3" - is it in?

> >  >   > > > ># 2" - idiot! Just use your tongue.

> >  >   > > > >

> > >   > > >  >

> > >   > > > >Ever wondered why ABCDEF are  used to define bra sizes?

> > >   > > > >A -  Airport (flat)

> > >   > > > >B - Barely  there

> > >   > > > >C - Can do

> >  >   > > > >D - Damn good

> > >   >  > > >E - Enormous

> > >   > > > >F -  Fake

> > >   > > > >

> > >   >  > > >

> > >   > > > >Women are  unpredictable:

> > >   > & gt; > >Before marriage,  she expects a man.

> > >   > > > >After marriage,  she suspects her man and

> > >   > > > >After his  death, she respects him.

> > >   > > > >

> >  >   > > > >

> > >   > > >  >Why are married women fatter than single one's?

> > >    > > > >Singles come home, see what's in the fridge

> >  >   > > > >and go to bed; whereas married women come  home,

> > >   > > > >see what's in the bed & go  to the fridge.

> > >   > > > >

> >  >   > > > >

> > >   > > >  >During pregnancy:

> > >   > > > >The 1st three  months, do it the normal style

> > >   > > > >Next  three months do it the doggy style

> > >   > > >  >And the last three months do it the wolf style.

> > >    > > > >sit outside the hole and howl.

> > >   >  > > >

> > >   > > > >

> >  >   > > > >All couples have different phases of ######  life:

> > >   > > > >Age 20 - Day and Night

> >  >   > > > >Age 28 - Every Night

> >  >   > > > >Age 38 - Fri Night

> > >    > > > >Age 48 - Once a month

> > >   > > >  >Age 58 - Only feelings

> > >   > > > >

> >  >   > > > >Latest statistics on 'what men do after  ######???

> > >   > > > >2% eat

> >  >   > > > >3% smoke cigarettes

> > >    > > > > 4% take a shower

> > >   > > >  >5% go to sleep

> > >   > > > >86% get up and go  back home to their wife.

> > >   > > > >HOW  TRUE!!!

> > >   > > > >

> > >    > > > >

> > >   > > > > What did  Newton's dick say to him after

> > >   > > >  >seeing a ###### woman?

> > >   > > > >"*expletive* you  and your law of gravity, I'm goin UP."

> > >   > > >  >

> > >   > > > >

> > >   >  > > >Man was sobbing in a bar.

> > >   > > >  >His friend asked 'why?'

> > >   > > > >He said:  "my wife makes me pay $ 100

> > >   > > > >for  every *expletive*!"

> > >   > > > >Friend said: "you're  lucky, she charges

> > >   > > > >oth ers $  250/-"

> > >   > > > >

> > >    > > > >

> > >   > > > >Lady scolds her  maid for inefficiency.

> > >   > > > >Angry maid  says, "at least I am better than

> > >   > > > >you  in bed."

> > >   > > > >Lady (amazed): "Did boss  tell you this?"

> > >   > > > >Maid: "No, the  driver did."

> > >   > > > >

> >  >   > > > >

> > >   > > >  >What is common between a passionate kiss

> > >   > >  > >and a spider?

> > >   > > > >"Both lead to  the undoing of the fly".

> > >   > > > >

> >  >   > > > >

> > >   > > >  >What is the difference between a new husband

> > >   >  > > >and a new dog?

> > >   > > > >"After  a year, the dog is still excited to

> > >   > > >  >see you."

> > >   > > > >

> >  >   > > > >Eve: "Adam, do you love me?"

> >  >   > > > >Adam: "No, I don't."

> >  >   > > > >Eve (crying): "Then why did you make love to  me?"

> > >   > > > >Adam: "Hello!!! As if I had  other choices."

> > >   > > > >

> >  >   > > > >

> > >   > > >  >A wife complains to the doctor that her

> > >   > >  > >hubby is 300% impotent.

> > >   > > > >The  doc asks "how 300%?"

> > >   > > > >She says: "you  know about the 100%, and

> > >   > > > >now he has  broken his finger

> > >   > > > >and burnt his  tongue."

> > >   > > > >

> > >    > > > >

> > >   > > > >25 useless  things in a man:

> > >   > > > >20 nails

> >  >   > > > >02 nipples that don't milk

> >  >   > > > >02 balls that you cannot play with.  &

> > >   > > > >01 ###### that does not lay  egg.

> > >   > > > >

> > >   >  > > >

> > >   > > > >Teacher: "Why  buffaloes get depressed

> > >   > > > >after  milking?

> > >   > > > >Student: "Ma'am, if your  ###### are rubbed

> > >   > > > >for 2 hours &  then you are left unfucked,

> > >   > > > >how  would you feel?

> > >   > > > >

> >  >   > > > >

> > >   > > >  >Policeman arrested a prostitute.

> > >   > > >  >Prostitute: "I'm not selling ######!

> > >   > > >  >Policeman: "Then what are you doing?"

> > >   > >  > >Prostitute: "I'm selling condoms and

> > >   > >  > >offering free demo

>----------------------------------------------------------

>

[ai[k²]wan]

:D:D:D:D:D

[terryansimon]

muahaha I love such jokes. cheap way to remind myself how much my life is runned by the many women around me. bleah.

[Tanggy]

Very cheap! but beri funny!!

[Clownfish]

veri funny...