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LOTR - Return of the King


Achilles Tang
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I said: Cool show... enjoyed it except for the ending... hehehe... no spoilers from me... go catch it.

From that moment onwards... it was pure crap... I didn't lie... :P You believed in my story-telling despite of this... who's the gabra goblin? :D

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Finally caught it today...man..the fight scenes were superd..esp the part when aragon commanded the dead! Hmm..but this finale gave aragon the limelight...not so much of legolas..

Anyway...the ending was gayish. I think everyone in the cinema was thinking 'when is the show ending exactly!?' You can hear it from their groans......lol

Always something more important than fish.

http://reefbuilders.com/2012/03/08/sps-pico-reef/

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Guess jackson has to follow the story closely. The Shire story should have more details. It was suppose to have some fighting scene. Waiting for the DVD - heard that is ard 1 hr of footage added. Like Gandalf confronting Saruman and how elowyn meet faramir....

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For you LOTR fans with a wicked sense of humour (Fellowship of the ring)

THE VERY SECRET DIARY OF SARUMAN THE WHITE

DAY ONE

Am bored. No cable in Isengard. Nothing to do but write rude anonymous

letters to Radagast the Brown and Manfred the Slightly Ecru.

Perhaps will have a look at the palantir.

DAY TWO

Have met v. nice guy via palantir. He seems to really like me for me

and not just because am most powerful wizard in Middle Earth. Wonder

what he looks like.

DAY THREE

Am becoming disenchanted with palantir guy. Refuses to send me photo,

except of one v. large eyeball. Says he is shy but I rather suspect he

is fat, or perhaps hairy. Have heard some v. bad stories about

palantir relationships. Should probably cool it for a while.

DAY SEVEN

Well, wouldn't you know, palantir guy turned out to be Dark Lord of

Mordor. Just my luck. Could have been worse, I guess. Sauron not fat

or hairy, just disembodied force of evil. Must go now, have to raise

massive demon army to scourge the earth. Also, have manicure

appointment. Is no easy task keeping nails pointy.

DAY NINE

Typical. Gandalf just came waltzing by and he knows I hate drop-ins.

Wanted to yap on and on all about the ring he gave his new boyfriend,

terrible pervy hobbit-fancier old Gandalf is. Disgrace to the Order.

Just wants to show off and remind me that he's got a hobbit, and I'm

just dating an eyeball. Well, Saruman the White does not stand for

this treatment. Showed him my Wizard Wrestling Federation moves. Have

delivered smackdown. Go me.

DAY THIRTEEN

Am tired of climbing up and down eight million stairs just to taunt

Gandalf. Should have imprisoned him in easy-access dungeon where could

taunt more effectively, and would not have to wait until after

breakfast.

DAY FOURTEEN

All right, who's been spitting gum down on the orcs? Honestly.

DAY FIFTEEN

Was right in middle of really good taunt and Gandalf escaped. Ah well.

Will save me daily stair climb.

DAY SIXTEEN

Have been watching in palantir. Gandalf faffed off on extending

camping trip with four hobbits, a v. buff elf, and rather fanciable

human -- oh bother, that's Aragorn son of Arathorn. Once threw him

out

of Isengard for whinging about not being King yet. Then there's a

shady-looking character and some kind of hairy newt. Or maybe it's a

dwarf.

What a bunch of yobbos.

DAY TWENTY

Have crossed orcs with goblin men in caverns below Isengard. V.

tedious experience as orcs and goblin men most reluctant to breed,

even with dinner and flowers. Next time will try something easier,

such as breeding goblins and cheerleaders to create super-perky army

that can travel by day and will not complain about pink uniforms.

DAY TWENTY-TWO

Did not know when decided to make demon army for Sauron that would be

so darn messy. Curse my decision to be Saruman the White. Should have

decided to be Saruman the Muddy Brown, or Saruman the Faintly

Greenish. White just shows all the slime.

DAY TWENTY-FOUR

If keep watching in palantir, perhaps will see Gandalf do pointy hat

trick?

DAY TWENTY-FIVE

Gandalf did pointy hat trick! Ringbearer v. impressed. Aragorn

obviously fancies trousers off the Ringbearer. Sam will kill him if

he

tries anything.

DAY TWENTY-FIVE

Hairy newt is most definitely dwarf. Caught him playing

hide-the-helmet with one of the hobbits. Other human seems to be

Boromir of Gondor. Am I only one who has long wanted to ride to Minas

Tirith and tell Steward that "Gondor" sounds just like "gonad" and

they should find less silly name? Perhaps it is just me.

DAY TWENTY-EIGHT

Uruk-hai nearly ready to go. Watched Fellowship a bit today. Boromir

convinced smallest hobbit to "Blow the Horn of Gondor." Have not

laughed so hard since set Balrog up with Gandalf during Second Age

and

Gandalf stuck Balrog with restaurant bill. Palantir great. Better

than

cable.

THE VERY SECRET DIARY OF PEREGRINE TOOK

DAY ONE

Was out pilfering vegetables when bumped into Sam and Frodo. Had a

nice little roll around with Frodo in corn before was forcibly

removed

by Sam. Must have word with Frodo about letting servants get overly

familiar and grabby.

Fell down hill. Merry v. disappointed that he broke his carrot. After

he found one that was just the right shape, too.

DAY TWO

V. nice in Rivendell. Sick of rooming with Sam though. Constantly

sopping wet and reeking of strawberries. Also tired of elves

mistaking

me for unusually lifelike lawn ornament.

DAY THREE

Joined Fellowship of Ring for a lark. Everyone v. nice except Legolas

seems a bit testy. Yesterday held me upside down over crevasse until

I

admitted he was the prettiest elf in the Fellowship. Did not feel

like

pointing out he was only elf in Fellowship, as crevasse was very

deep.

DAY SEVEN

Has been twenty-five days since met Aragorn and he has not yet washed

his hair. Is really starting to bother me.

DAY NINE

Sam all wrong about Boromir. Really very nice man. Invited me to go

for a walk with him tonight and said he would let me blow his Horn of

Gondor. Can't wait.

Later that night

Always thought blowing the Horn of Gondor was supposed to summon

armies of the West?

Apparently not.

V. educational, all the same.

DAY ELEVEN

V. dark in mines of Moria. Still sort of a relief as means Boromir

cannot corner me and complain how Aragorn is insensitive, stuck up

git

with hobbit fixation. Pot calling kettle black if you ask me. Aragorn

obviously way into Frodo, however. Sam will kill him if he tries

anything.

DAY THIRTEEN

Caught Legolas waxing soles of Aragorn's boots, thus explaining why

Aragorn keeps collapsing into his arms. Tricky elf.

Aragorn still hasn't washed his hair.

DAY FOURTEEN

Gandalf dead. Everyone morose. In attempt to cheer up Fellowship,

Legolas took off all his clothes and performed scenes from

Silmarillion: The Musical. Everyone still morose. Legolas ponced off

to have 3,000-year-old elf prince sulk.

DAY FIFTEEN

Lothlorien v. pretty. Accidentally walked in on Gimli taking a bath.

Now understand what Gandalf meant about there being scarier things

than Orcs. And was that Aragorn hiding under all the bubbles? May

have

nightmares for weeks.

DAY SIXTEEN

Aragorn washed his hair. Hurrah.

Maybe it really was him under all the bubbles.

DAY TWENTY

Boromir wrote me a poem. Merry says I am leading him on. Of course,

Merry also says I cry like a girl. Merry a total bastard most of the

time, actually.

Poem not very good. Did not rhyme. Feel slighted.

DAY THIRTY

Told Boromir I did not feel ready to commit, so he went and got

himself shot by Orcs. Honestly. Humans so oversensitive sometimes.

Have been kidnapped by Uruk-hai. Not very friendly types. Merry says

we may have to shag our way out of captivity. Suspect Merry looking

forward to it, useless wassock. Orcs v. smelly. Suddenly miss

Boromir.

THE VERY SECRET DIARY OF GANDALF THE GREY

Day One:

In Shire. Stunning vista of innocent and pastoral beauty. Is it me,

or

was Frodo just hanging around in that field masturbating before I

came

along?

Day Two:

Bilbo's Birthday party improved by substantial amount of hobbit weed.

Everyone sho nice. Bilbo nice too. Lights sho pretty. Frodo not bad

either. Hobbits sho cuddly. Whups. Fellover.

Day Three:

Massive fecking hangover. Off to Minas Tirith for some aspirin.

Day Twelve:

Went to Saruman for advice about Ring but he had become evil. Nobody

tells me anything. Apparently there was a memo. Radagast the Brown

probably stealing paper out of my inbox again.

Day Thirteen :

Stuck on top of tower. Great view, but constant pelting sleet not

good

for pointy hat. Am amusing self by spitting gum down on the Orcs.

Day Fourteen :

Visited again by Saruman who tried to grab a feel. As if!

Day Sixteen :

Am lonely. Saruman maybe not so unattractive after all. If only were

not for giantly flaring nostrils and huge clawlike fingernails...okay

you'd think I might have figured out he was evil before.

Day Nineteen :

Escaped. Am in Rivendell. Sam slightly out of control. Keeps giving

Frodo baths. Elves all out of strawberry-scented soap now. Elrond

getting annoyed.

Day Twenty :

Elrond has decided to send Frodo away as is tired of never being able

to get into the first-floor bathroom. Big folderol about Ring. Have

agreed to go with Fellowship in case Sam might decide to give ME a

bath. Could use one.

Day Twenty-One:

Aragorn obviously into Frodo. Sam will kill him if he tries anything.

Asked Sam to give me a bath. He said, "Ha ha, Mister Gandalf, you're

not serious." Useless git.

Day Twenty-Three :

V. cold on top of Caradhras. Aragorn won fight about who got to carry

Frodo up the mountain. Boromir sulking. If Legolas keeps nancing

about

on top of the snow, may have to hit him with my staff.

Day Twenty-Five :

Do not want to go through Mines of Moria, as suspect Balrog still

angry about bad date we went on back in Second Age.

Day Twenty-Six:

In Mines of Moria. Yep, Balrog still angry.

Day Twenty-Seven:

Fell into shadow. Balrog such a prat. Had to do some quite

unspeakable

things before he would let me leave the caverns. Have decided not to

tell the rest of Fellowship. Will make up story about having engaged

in huge battle instead. Off to see Elrond to get quite unpleasant

third degree burns in embarassing places treated. Hope Elrond does

not

laugh at me. If he does, will tell everyone about his dirty weekend

with Sauron. Ha!

THE VERY SECRET DIARY OF SAMWISE GAMGEE

Day One:

Frodo stabbed by Morgul blade. Oh no! Pippin cried. Told Pippin it

would be all right as Mr. Frodo far too hot to die.

Did I say that out loud?

Day Three:

Have followed Mr. Frodo to Rivendell where Elves will heal him.

Gandalf told me to help poor unconscious Mr. Frodo get out of dirty

clothes. So took clothes off him and gave him a bath. And another

one.

Then gave him another bath. Gandalf came and told me six baths was

quite enough, Samwise Gamgee.

Poncy old git probably hasn't taken a bath since the Second Age.

Day Four:

Wonder if it is time for Mr. Frodo to have another bath yet.

Day Five:

Elf bubble bath v. colorful and pretty.

Gandalf no fun at all.

*sulk*

Day Six:

Mr. Frodo awake! Is doing well although also seems concerned as to

why

his fingers are all wrinkled.

Decided not to tell him about all the baths.

Day Seven:

Snuck into Council of Elrond. Frodo offered to take Ring to Mordor.

Mr. Frodo is so brave, handsome, tall and wonderful!

Okay, so possibly isn't all that tall.

Day Eight:

Off to Mordor. Other members of Fellowship v. dodgy if you ask me.

Especially Boromir. "Teaching Merry and Pippin how to sword-fight" my

Aunt Lobelia. Obviously pervy hobbit-fancier who likes to roll around

with small men in shorts.

Day Nine:

Aragorn just as pervy as Boromir. Obviously fancies Mr. Frodo. Will

kill him if he tries anything.

Day Ten:

V. dark in Mines of Moria. Used flat edge of sword to whack Aragorn

every time he tried to pinch Mr. Frodo in the dark.

Gandalf fell into bottomless pit. Mr. Frodo said something later

about

pointy wizard hat, but did not understand it as am innocent young

hobbit from Shire not versed in wordly ways.

Pippin says Legolas is shagging Gimli.

Ick.

Day Fifteen:

Lothlorien v. pretty. ###### elf lady absolutely hitting on poor Mr.

Frodo left, right and center. Pippin agrees. Told Pippin height

difference would make relationship impossible. Pippin said Mr. Frodo

could stand on stilts.

Hate Pippin.

Day Twenty-Two:

Leaving Lothlorien. Bye-bye grabby elf lady.

Not sure where going exactly, but is obviously somewhere

water-related, as have been given boats. Do not care really as long

as

get to share boat with Mr. Frodo.

Day Twenty-Three:

Boromir finally acted on pent-up lust for Mr. Frodo. Got shot down of

course (hurrah!) but not before made spectacle of himself. Claims was

trying to take Ring so as to rule world and bring down evil, but we

all know that's a big fib don't we.

Day Twenty-Four:

Boromir killed by orcs. Knew orcs good for something.

Frodo off to Mordor. Taking me along, hurrah! Mr. Frodo needs

cheering

up as seems inexplicably sorry to say goodbye to Gimli, as well as is

depressed and claims is now sure he will die a virgin in the barren

wastelands of the Dark Lord's realm.

We will see about that.

THE VERY SECRET DIARY OF FRODO BAGGINS:

Day One:

Feeling much better in House of Elrond after nice long nap. Also, Sam

gave me fabulous backrub and bubble bath. Platonic, brotherly love so

wonderful. Wasn't quite entirely sure why he needed to suck on my

toes, but am assured it has something to do with Elf medicine.

Day Three

Have agreed to carry Ring to Mordor. In hindsight, probably a bad

move.

Day Four

Aragorn and Boromir had big fight over who got to carry me up Mount

Caradhras. Aragorn shoved Boromir into snowbank. Boromir bit Aragorn

on the ear. Ring must be affecting them more seriously than I

thought.

Day Six:

Woke up to find Aragorn playing with buttons on my shirt.

He must be after the Ring. Damn its siren call.

Ah well, Sam will kill him if he tries anything.

Day Ten:

Today Legolas began stroking my inner thigh with his bow.

Was stunned. Had no idea Legolas wanted the Ring too.

It must truly be an object of awesome power.

Day Eleven:

Gandalf showed me very strange trick he can do. Apparently pointy

wizard hat not just for show.

Wonder if Ring is affecting him, or perhaps he is just v. peculiar.

Day 24 :

Finally feel rested. Is too dark in Mines of Moria for Aragorn to

find

me and pinch me as he has been doing lately.

Gandalf fell into shadow. Was sad to see pointy hat go.

Day 27 :

Lothlorien so pretty. Galadriel pretty too. Offered her One Ring, but

she kept saying, "No, there's something else I'd rather have from

you,

Frodo Baggins," and trying to slide foot up inside my breeches. So,

gave her my extra pair of breeches since she seemed fond of them.

Maybe some kind of breeches shortage in Lothlorien.

Day 30 :

Rowed all day in boats. V. tired. Merry and Pippin offered to give me

a group massage. Nice to have such v. concerned friends. Glad Ring is

not affecting them. Although did not need back rubbed quite so much,

nor other parts.

Pippin does remember we're cousins, right?

Right?

Day 33 :

Boromir tried to take the Ring. Am not entirely certain, but am

fairly

sure he also tried to have a little cuddle. Was most unnerving, as

Boromir quite huge.

Day 36 :

Everyone keeps hitting on me. Cannot cope. Off to Mordor.

Sam coming too. Good thing, as will enable me to have more of those

platonic, brotherly foot massages he's so good at.

Am sad to leave rest of Company though, as found myself quite

fancying

the idea of shagging Gimli. Chunky braids and huge helmet quite a

turn-on. Ah, well, he never would have liked me anyway.

THE VERY SECRET DIARY OF BOROMIR OF GONDOR:

Day One:

Went to Council of Elrond. Aragorn acting all superior as usual. He

thinks he's so great because he's shagging that bit of elf crumpet on

the side. I mean just because someone has a broad chest, firm,

defined

muscles, an outdoorsy tan and loads of manly stubble doesn't mean

that....what? Got distracted there for a bit.

Seem to have agreed to go on some sort of mission while distracted by

Aragorn's enormous...rudeness.

Ooops.

Day Three

Stupid Ring, stupid Quest, stupid Fellowship.

Day Four

Frodo dropped Ring today. Picked it up, but Aragorn made me give it

back. Arrogant bastard. Wonder how he'd feel with Horn of Gondor

shoved right up his...

Stupid Ring.

Day Four:

Is obvious that Aragorn is strangely attracted to Frodo.

Ha Ha! Ha!

Sam will kill him if he tries anything.

Day Six:

Aragorn still into Frodo. "Boromir, give the Ring back to Froooodoo."

"Boromir, let *me* carry Frodo up Caradhras." "Boromir, quit trying

to

cut off Frodo's head while he's asleep so you can get at the Ring."

Blatant favoritism most annoying.

Day Ten:

Why isn't Aragorn into me ?

Day Eleven:

Carried Frodo out of Mines of Moria.

Kind of liked it, actually.

Hope am not turning into pervy hobbit-fancier like Uncle Windermir.

Not after what happened to *him.* Merry and Pippin are cute little

things, too...

In other news, Gandalf died.

Day 30:

In Lothlorien. Galadriel quite a babe. Feel sure she was attracted to

my rugged yet unwashed manliness.

Legolas took a bath in her fountain. Got in trouble. Ha. Ha. Big elfy

git. Am quite sure he dyes his hair. Also, he has spot on his nose.

Aragorn suggested we take baths as well. Only realized in nick of

time

he did not mean with each other.

Stupid Aragorn.

Day 33 :

Frodo being all weird about the Ring. Won't even let me look at it.

Must admit I had a bit of a tussle with him trying to get a gander at

it. Rolled around on him till he went invisible. Resisted urge to

have

a little cuddle (made easier when he punched me in the face.)

Aragorn would be jealous. Ha!

Day 35:

Killed by orcs.

Stupid orcs.

THE VERY SECRET DIARY OF LEGOLAS, SON OF WEENUS:

Day One:

Went to Council of Elrond. Was prettiest person there. Agreed to

follow some tiny little man to Mordor to throw ring into volcano.

Very

important mission - gold ring so tacky.

Day Four:

Boromir so irritating. Why must he wear big shield like dinner plate

all the time? Climbed up Caradhras but wimpy humans who cannot walk

on

snow insisted we climb back down.

Am definitely prettiest member of the Fellowship. Go me!

Day Six:

Far too dark in Mines of Moria to brush hair properly. Am very afraid

I am developing a tangle.

Orcs so silly.

Still the prettiest.

Day Ten:

Gandalf fell into shadow. In other news, I think I am developing a

spot on my nose. V. serious situation, as Elven spots likely to last

for 500 years or more.

Still prettiest, despite blasted spot.

Day Eleven:

In Lothlorien. Suspect Galadriel may be prettier than me.

Also, am quite sure she copied my hairstyle. I was wearing that same

look at least 1,000 years ago. Silly bint. She was most annoyed that

I

used her mirrored fountain to take a nice bubble bath.

I choose to ignore her claim that my hair clogged her drain. Not one

strand of my hair has fallen out in 800 years, why would it start

now?

Still prettiest by far.

Day 30:

All this paddling about in boats is hell on my complexion.

Aragorn obviously starting to find Frodo strangely attractive. Sam

will kill him if he tries anything.

Still the prettiest.

Day 33 :

Boromir tempted by Ring. So tedious. Cannot be tempted myself, as

already have everything I want i.e. perfect hair and a butt like

granite.

Day 35:

Boromir dead. Very messy death, most uncessesary. Did get kissed by

Aragorn as he expired. Does a guy have to get shot full of arrows

around here to get any action? Boromir definitely not prettier than

me. Cannot understand it. Am feeling a pout coming on.

Frodo off to Mordor with Sam. Tiny little men caring about each

other,

rather cute really.

Am quite sure Gimli fancies me. So unfair. He is waist height, so can

see advantages there, but chunky braids and big helmet most

offputting. Forsee dark times ahead, very dark times.

THE SECRET DIARY OF ARAGORN SON OF ARATHORN

Day One:

Ringwraiths killed: 4. V. good.

Met up with Hobbits. Walked forty miles. Skinned a squirrel and ate

it.

Still not King.

Day Four:

Stuck on mountain with Hobbits. Boromir really annoying.

Not King yet.

Day Six:

Orcs killed: none. Disappointing. Stubble update: I look rugged and

manly. Yes!

Keep wanting to drop-kick Gimli. Holding myself back.

Still not King.

Day Ten:

Sorry no entries lately. V. dark in Mines of Moria. Big Baelrog.

Not King today either.

Day Eleven:

Orcs killed: 7. V. good. Stubble update: Looking mangy.

Legolas may be hotter than me.

I wonder if he would like me if I was King?

Day 28:

Beginning to find Frodo disturbingly attractive. Have a feeling if I

make a move, Sam would kill me. Also, hairy feet kind of a turn-off.

Still not King.

Day 30:

In Lothlorien. Think Galadriel was hitting on me. Saucy wench.

Nice chat with Boromir. He's not so bad.

Took a shower. Yay!

But still not King.

Day 32:

Orcs killed: none. Stubble update: subtly hairy.

Legolas told me that a shadow and a threat had been growing in his

mind.

I think Legolas might be kinda gay.

Nope, not King.

Day 33:

Orcs killed: Countless thousands. V. good.

Boromir killed by Orcs. Bummer. Though he died bravely in my arms, am

now quite sure that he was very definitely gay.

Not so sure about Gimli either.

RIP Boromir.

Still not King, but at least Boromir seemed to think I was. Might

however have been blood loss.

Day 34:

Frodo went to Mordor. Said he was going alone, but took Sam with him.

Why?

My God, is everyone in this movie gay but me?

Not so sure about me either.

Still not King, goddammit.

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Just got time to catch the show yesterday... :P

Boy!!! love the battle scene and especially with Aragorn leading the ghost army... :yeah: Not him but the army was cool... :P

Love how the girl Eowyn defended her father...

Maybe 'ostracized' by the guys here but really wan to say that Liv tyler though attractive but nonetheless...only a 'flower vase'... :(

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Yep he was a king before he was corrupted by the ring of his. If i am correct i thought that those rings that the black riders bore are actually created before the one ring. So actually Sauron did not give em the rings but he used the one ring to influence and corrupt them... as Humans are the most easily swayed race in Middle Earth i think

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You know, the movie would have ended a long long time ago, if Aragon thought of commanding the ghost army right at the beginning of the war. Episode 1 would have been over in 15 mins. :lol:

Did you see how fast the ghost army swept through the battlefield and up the castle, wiping out the enemy like a flood? Gee.... :rolleyes:

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Aragorn could have used the ghost army to attack Barradur too and save all the trouble. In the first episode, Elrond has not reforged Narsil to Anduril for Aragorn yet. so no dice.

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You know, the movie would have ended a long long time ago, if Aragon thought of commanding the ghost army right at the beginning of the war. Episode 1 would have been over in 15 mins. :lol:

Did you see how fast the ghost army swept through the battlefield and up the castle, wiping out the enemy like a flood? Gee.... :rolleyes:

Thought it will better if they fight fair (fighting with ghost is not fair at all)... It will be interesting if the final battle involve the elves, dwarfs and men united as one...

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Aragorn could have used the ghost army to attack Barradur too and save all the trouble. In the first episode, Elrond has not reforged Narsil to Anduril for Aragorn yet. so no dice.

yyyyyyyyyeaaah. So Agent Smith, I mean, Elrond could have reforged Narsil to Anduril for Aragorn in Episode 1.... and maybe get the ghost king to drop off the ring at Mt Doom too? :lol:

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